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As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent many, largely enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, however I never felt completely content, in that I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start to date a potential partner, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners once more.

Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that many gay men engage in non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed demanding, frequently causing significant heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire another man to love me while letting me remain sexually free, however I fear the psychological toll this might create. Should I just continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel a bit lost.

Each individual's sexual journey varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate different types of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become more decisive and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet someone offering a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about the future and engaging in endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the value of each person you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when the time is right to strengthen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating sexual disorders.